GOD & MACRON!
๐๐จ๐โ๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ-๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐๐ซ๐จ๐ง.
French authorities escalated their war on free speech to shocking new heights. They arrested Telegram founder Pavel Durov for the high crime of allowing people to express thoughts without government permission.
"We have zero tolerance for this 'free speech' people keep yammering about," President Macron stated. "If you want to run your mouth, move to an uncivilized country like America."
Durov's arrest marks France's desperate bid to become the global leader in preemptive censorship and suppressing differing opinions. It's part of Macron's plan to make France judge what people can say, read, watch, or ponder.
"Citizens can recite approved press releases and regurgitate our daily talking points," Macron said. "But anything outside those parameters is strictly forbidden. We champion freedom from exposure to dangerous wrongthink."
Authorities signaled their intent to defend citizens from differing viewpoints at all costs, even if it triggers discomfort. "We've been lax preventing unauthorized information flow in the past," Macron claimed. "But our new industrial Censorship Firewall will control all incoming data that could disturb the masses."
However, France didn't stop at arresting tech executives. Earlier today, they issued a Divine Warrant for the apprehension and arrest of Almighty God Himself.
Authorities plan to try the Creator on charges of Willfully Imparting Consciousness and Rational Thought to Humans and Unlawfully Bestowing Free Will.
"Our investigation proved God maliciously introduced hazardous independent thought from the start," the High Prosecutor stated. "He must face full punishment under laws we're still determining."
Plans to detain the all-knowing, all-powerful Divine Being reportedly involve oversized butterfly nets and railcars of elephant tranquilizers. God will face trial by ideologically pure professors, gender theorists, and diversity consultants.
"We'll give the Almighty a free, fair, and nearly predetermined trial," the prosecutor smirked. "Jurors will be woke Twitter activists and snarky atheists who already made up their minds."
So, while the world descends into freedom-fueled chaos, France stands as the vanguard of order, approving only correct opinions. After all, that's what truly matters, non?
-Rojas out
The Courage to Choose Better
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